frens.. juz frens... i made up my mind

i tink me and terry remains as frens betta... i can't stand him keep syaing i dunnoe.... do u wan a bf who is aimless in life... he himself say tt when he is rounding wif his frens he forgets everything.. and in another way less stress lar... i am making him stress besides his work.... so to speak i am a burden...

wad the fuck lor... all tis while of waiting is for fuck.. he is nt so great afteer all... i still have others to reallie care and concern bout me... like dar.. like jackal... i am closing my options juz for him and he is treating me like shit...

btw he is at my place now... currently in dream land and here i am... can't slp.. y.. coz i am troubled.. i gt so many questions to ask... but when he is awake, i am no idea how to ask.. it's like stuck.. i tried... but we were both quiet and he kept saying i dunnoe... i have waited for 2 months.. but nothing has changed...

isit time to give up on him??? should i juz forget bout the past tt we have??? should we juz remain as frens so as to make him less stress bout things??? shld i open my choices and not regid to him alone??? someone tell me where my heart should go... i am lost as usual.... no way to walk.. no way to run... no way to even jump..... should i cut my wrist for him to tell him how much i love him??? but if i cut... will he even bother to come back in my life??? should i even bother to commit suicide for him??? isit worth it?? i dunnoe... so many questions are juz going in my head.... i can't slp... wanna go and drink and dance it out....

maybe i should ask bee to go with me to lips tml... since he got his kangoo alreadi... hheehee.. can drive me home.. and he finally can see who the hell is david.. my ex college... heehee.... dunnoe whether he wan anot... heehee

jackal jealous that terry is at my place.. haha... small kid.. cannot stand it...

waiting for that good chat

waiting for terry to come to tok tings over.. but i tink i will be in a state of block.... hai~... last night's tok was seriously nt enough... reallie wanna settle all things out.. but i guess my prediction should be correct.. it should be we should juz remain as frens... that's my guess lar... onli scared that my guess is correct lor.. '

shit.. left eyebrow twitching.. die.. i scared lar... hai~.... tml den i will say wad happened....

frens.. juz frens... i made up my mind

i tink me and terry remains as frens betta... i can't stand him keep syaing i dunnoe.... do u wan a bf who is aimless in life... he himself say tt when he is rounding wif his frens he forgets everything.. and in another way less stress lar... i am making him stress besides his work.... so to speak i am a burden...

wad the fuck lor... all tis while of waiting is for fuck.. he is nt so great afteer all... i still have others to reallie care and concern bout me... like dar.. like jackal... i am closing my options juz for him and he is treating me like shit...

btw he is at my place now... currently in dream land and here i am... can't slp.. y.. coz i am troubled.. i gt so many questions to ask... but when he is awake, i am no idea how to ask.. it's like stuck.. i tried... but we were both quiet and he kept saying i dunnoe... i have waited for 2 months.. but nothing has changed...

isit time to give up on him??? should i juz forget bout the past tt we have??? should we juz remain as frens so as to make him less stress bout things??? shld i open my choices and not regid to him alone??? someone tell me where my heart should go... i am lost as usual.... no way to walk.. no way to run... no way to even jump..... should i cut my wrist for him to tell him how much i love him??? but if i cut... will he even bother to come back in my life??? should i even bother to commit suicide for him??? isit worth it?? i dunnoe... so many questions are juz going in my head.... i can't slp... wanna go and drink and dance it out....

maybe i should ask bee to go with me to lips tml... since he got his kangoo alreadi... hheehee.. can drive me home.. and he finally can see who the hell is david.. my ex college... heehee.... dunnoe whether he wan anot... heehee

jackal jealous that terry is at my place.. haha... small kid.. cannot stand it...

i was home the home day!!!

can't believe it.... i was home the whole day.. i nvr went out.. i;m reallie bored... tot darwill come over in the night but then he is asleep... ping can't follow me out... sarah got no cash to come out.. no phone... lostt siah.... gotto find job soon.. i cannot help it... i will get sick if i carry on to be at home... reallie hope tml can come out... anybody wanna come out.. save me....

it's a rainy Easter sunday!!!

woke up late today coz of all the trouble going on... slept late last night... so going for 5.30 mass later at Christ The King....can't even see the sun...

quarrelled with bee again... small one about gab lar... seriously i dun get him lar.... confused lor... if he likes me then stop all the arguments... it's reallie irritating lei... it's like 4 days in the roll lor... been so lazy.... wp is like avoiding me or wad... yest msg her online then she suddenly left... then juz tried msging her on msn... went offline after asking a few questions... sianZzz lar... somemore sarah lost her phone... so sickening...

so many things happened... my gosh... can't something or anything change my lousy fate i haf now... i'm losing the normal marilyn that i use to be.... HELP!!!!!

tis is not a good love life year for me!!!

y i state that in my title.. it's juz simple.. i can't find any guy that is single and avaliable and that i like.. y??? it's juz a horrible feeling lor...

i haf bee.... but he has lao da... but he still shows so much care and concern for me... in wadeva i do... he even help me scold a ger who said bout me.. tpuched.. but sometimes i tink.. should i put my whole heart into it.. or should i juz give it half.. hai~.. lost lor..

i had patrick... who liked me... he also has a gf... but after not contacting him so long.. no feelings for him anymore lor...

i had alvin... whom i tot i liked.. but then tink he lied to me too much since the first time he gt to noe me from rush... it's juz too much... lied to me about he having a gf.. now the gf call me and ask me y i called him.. haha... so simple lar.. the gf can't even take care of him lor... if not y he come find other gers..hahha...

juz had this max guy... nice to tok to but then veri irritating when coming to meet up... he keeps wanting me to go his place there to tok... but not wanting to come to plaza lor.. he also has a gf...

see wad i mean... i haf no one in life to look forward to.. terry is not coming back for sure.. i can't sit by the days and wait for him... i have to move on in a sense... but i still haf my closest frens.... ping...sarah... padma.. they are always there for me...

wad the hell... tml is easter... going mass with gab... hai~... gab still likes me.. hai~.. i told him straight in the face that we can onli be frens.. but i tink he understood.. so tt's gd...

arh.... "hen fan arh!!!"

bee's out my my life

i am sad... but not in a crying state... been broke up with me at 7:21am!!! wad a gd thing to start the day with... in my half awake half sleepy state.. i tried to msg him to see if there is any hope... but no luck... then i fell asleep and woke up at 11 plus to continue the msging.... tot of calling but i will surely be lost for words one lor.......

was pondering whether to patch or to end it... asked ping for advise and she as my bestest fren told me not to.. i noe she wans me to be happy... love u ping.. i tried patching but in vain... will call to double confirm the result... now not in a state to call... scared.. lost... a bit sad... puzzled... dunnoe lar... maybe i should try callign and see how he toks to me or maybe he dun wanna answer my call... or he juz give half half answers...

patrick called and told me that he is in SGH... been ill since tues.... doc haven't found the reason for his illness.. but it's someting to do with his liver... poor thing lei.. somemore he gt rashes all over... scratch and scratch... poor thing... wanted to go over and see him but he said his gf coming over after lunch.. so nothing to say lor...

bee finally msged back.. said he was working... so hai~.. guess tt's it lor....

so many things are happening around this season.. some good some bad some horrible stuff... but hope after this huge storm... i will be the same marilyn back again... hope to smile again!!!

wad a blastful day....

why i say tt... yest was mordy thursday.. gab ask me to go church go i went with him... as usual he was late... so instead of going to christ the king... i went to nativity church.... then i so happened to tink of benedict chong see meng.. sasked him to come for mass.. and surprisingly he came.. then when i saw him.. my goodness... he looked totally different lor.. his teeth was like so bloody yellow.. although it is my fav colour lar... but it reallie looks horrible lor.. some he had this distingtive crack on his 2 front teeth which make him look even more "er xin"... but his dressing was nice lar.. he wore tis levis shirt which was a bit pink i tink.. hehee...

then after mass.. sarah asked me to accompany her to wait for dave to finish work... so me and gab went to eat at the kopitiam near the church and bumped into his cat teacher... then we sat together to eat.. they were reallie friendly ppl and toked to me as if they knew me long long time ago... after dinner... we took 74 to bowen then changed bus 132 to forum.. but we ended up at forum and had to walk a long way to forum... sarah was calling and calling coz she waited for a veri long time... but i managed to walk pass DEVILS BAR.. wah~~~ a lot of ppl to look at lor... my eyes were so busy lor... heehee.. looking here and looking there.. got a lot of nice looking ppl..some where in a group sitting.. some were walking pass.. my goodness.. had an awesome time looking.. met sarah... then tt toopid boo of mine took so bloody long to come.. as usual sarah gave him a surpirse.. and he said "wad she doing here" tink he was rinking tt she was supppose to be on his way back on waiting for him.. heehee.. so sweet ah... hai~ wish i could do tt to terry.. if onli i had the chance... sad!!! :(

then after that.. sarah and dave went back.. (i love tis font when it's bold and small... heehe!!!) okei back to wad i was saying.. me and gab went down to sparks downstairs to meet marcus.. his good bro... i finally got to meet him... i always hear his name but didn't get to see him.. then his other fren moses aka "tan ah teck" was also there... they bought e-33.. and i drank almost 4 bottles... marcus was trying to patch things up between me and gab.. but it didn't work out lar.. coz i reallie onli treat him as a reallie close fren and i don't wish to end a good frenship.. i told marcus and gab straight in the face.. at least gab understood wad i meant... and it's for his good and also my good coz i am still waiting aimlessly for terry to be back in my life... when is he going to tink straight and wan someone to reallie care and show concern for him!!! arh.. can go crazy tinking of it...

then i asked alvin to come and send me hom coz i reallie didn't wan to take the night rider home.. sian lar.. with gab slp in the bus.. and the toopid bus chair is so bloody hard lor.. how to slp without butt cramp and back ache...

that was wad happened ... a lot of things happened between me and bee also.. we practically quarrelled the whole day.. morning until today morning lor.. i was reallie moody and i reallie didn't have the mood to see him.. he reallie cares too much about me and it is something liek joe which i don't reallie lilke lor... i can't help by going out with guys.. i have more guy frens then ger frens.. and okie i understand that he doesn't like me goign out with them.. and he will tink very far that they will do something farnie to me lor... which i noe my limit lor.. we quarrelled on the phone when i was at sparks downstairs with gab and marcus and moses... he used horrible words to scold me lor.. i couldn't help him and juz told him " you dun come and use this type of words and scold me!" and i put down the phone... ppl wanna scold me can.. but dun come and use horrible words lor.. i am also human... i will get pissed off wan lor... and i did.. then he called back but i put down the phone.. then he called again i amswered.. he used a nicer tome to tok to me... i said i will go down to his place.. but in my heart i didn't wan lor.. of wad had happened.. u still wan me go down and get scolded from him somemore meh.. riddiculous lor.. so i juz told him i will go down after my service tml... see whether he wanna meet me or things cool down anot lor... sometimes i reallie wanna end it... but then i can't put my heart to let go him... i reallie wish he can understand me more.. and show concern in the correct manner... hai~.. guys are sometimes a real headache.. say one thing to them they can tok back a million things like wad bee does lor.. dunnoe wad to do lar.. i juz spend my good fri happily.. dun wanna tink so much bout it... okei i etta go slp.. tml got to go for afternoon mass.. niteZzzz

i did't haf dinner

ppl!!! ppl!! today is 'PALM SUNDAY' and i went mass... heheee... was so happy to see kershia...audrey... nicholas... hillary... and other ppl... when they saw me.. the normal sentence is" where have u been so been...so long nvr see u in church?" haha.. been hearing this sentence thee whole day sian man... but who cares... i did pray.. and i reallie had an enjoyable time... oh yah i went with gabriel... he was the one who asked me to go church... haha.. thanks...

then after mass we ent AMK S11 to eat lunch... bumped into Kelson and the whole family... hahah... didn't notice irene until i was turning around to notice wad noise some kid was making.. then i noticed irene.. haha.. them maksim was like looking and me and said HI... heeheee.... after eating me and gab went to the archard... he played a few rounds of datona 2.. then i played rock fever...

after that, we went over to his place to burn a CD for his fren... when reached his palce... we were tinking of the past....when i came over to his plac to study.. heehee.. long long time ago in 2000.... then after finishing he wanted to bath so we went up to his room... then he taught me how to play songs on his console .. and when he was bathing.. i blast some reallie old techno in his pouch... it's ny easy being a DJ... i can say tt for sure... takes reallie lots of practice and tune... then after he bathed he spinned some of my fav songs.. then after i left for bee's place.. he was waiting for me to buy lunch/dinner for him....

when i reached dar's door, he was actually slping... but so coincidental that his fren called... and he woke up becoz of his toopid ringtone.. then he noticed tt i was at the door... it was a veri nice and soothing time that we spent lor... nothing seems to be wrong onli for tt day... then around 9 he went to bath to get rdy to see that bitch.... so i went home lor... but i called alvin.. coz he msged in the afternoon if i was free.. then i told him 9 plus then i will call him lor... so i did.. and appparently he was with his mum.. went to settle some stock to go in to malaysia on monday... so he couldn't make it.. called a lot of ppl and was regected... then i gave up and went to the 'ma-ma' shop and gt tit-bits to eat as dinner.... got home... i opened a small packet of chip and finished it... then i ate twisties.. big packet... original cheese... finished it..

so john msged me on msn and told me that jerren and jason and him were going to study.. so i decided to go meet them at the same time pass john his 'lan tooth' haha... he has been asking and yacking away about it.. so i gave him back... dun waste my time... then we talked and talked... like long time nvr meet like that... around 3 i left.. didn't want to stay on.. if not they will not study lor...

after that i went over to meet max at bedok resouivour... wadeva the spelling is lar... we sat at the void deck and started to yack away... he seems like a friendly guy.. not afraid to tell me more about himself.. he was toking bout his trips to thailand... his night life work... his trip to korea with his mum... another trip to hong kong... his bike accident and how disgusting was he fractured.. but now nothing wrong... and most importantly... toked about his gf... heehee... seems to be they have gone for a yr plus.. and the ger is being stuck-up... becoz he gave in to her to much last time... he looks like a soft-spoken guy.. but actually not.. have okie looks.. loves to put his hair behind his ears... haha.. keeps his last nail long... oh yah.. and we toked about work.. wad our boss use to be.. and so on... haha... he has 2 tattoo... one on his right arm.. which looks a bit like tribal.. but becoz he did it when he was like 13... he tried to do something about it.. but it gt even worst... haha... the pattern is veri bold... then he has another veri nice one on his back waist... hand size with colour.. also tribal.... he came from broadrick sec.. a cannot make it sch last time... where all the ah bengs come from.. he was one last time.... passed his N'levels miraculously without studying... flung is o-lvl... did many different type of jobs... he even work at chinatown 5 yrs ago during CNY... selling coconuts... 13 days he can earn at least 10K... then he said he used to go in KL every month to order stock or something... haha.. practically recalling wad he told me about himself....

tt's all for now.. i am going back to slp... another new day ahead... got to book more prac... hands and leg itchy... heehee

i'm farking pissed!!!!

soorie ppl who are reading tis.. i am currently in a state of PMS.. so wad i say here will be a bit not so nice to see and comprehen.... let me start...

i'm farking pissed of dar!!!! ASS HOLE!!! BLOODY IDIOT STUPID LAN JIAO !!!! i juz wanna spent time with him.. and his frens are more important than me!!!! then i wait for him for 1 farking hour for wad fuck!!!! tell me lar... all becoz of wanting to spent time with that farker... and he juz went out with his fren... wad the hell.... i'm farking pissed off!!!!! still say i dun put him number one!!!!! my ass lor... in his farking black er xin heart i am not 2 but 3 lor!!!! sickening!!!!! qian li more important than me lor!!!! he muz go and accompany him lor!!!! wad the fark... becoz of one guy and he goes and leave me at home... somemore ask me to wait and see whether later i wan to go his place or later he come my place... i have no farking mood lor!!!!!! pissed!!!!!!!pissed!!!!!!! totally pissed!!!!!!! farking pissed!!!!!!!! where gt ppl treat gf like that..... put me as lao2 wad the fark lor!!!! ass hole ass hole... he is a farking jerk.... a farking BIG ENORMOUS LAN JIAO NANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm reallie soorie ppl... i'm done with this bitching... thanks ppl for understanding...

arh...

terry is coming... terry is coming... terry is coming today...
asked whether wanna buy brownies anot.. but he said i pay.. then haha... dun understand wad that means.... but i will pay him lar... staff price of coz... he also no money... but wad the hack....

terry is coming today!!!!

i gt drunk....

went to tis new techno pub at geylang with David... i also called gabriel to come along.. to play my fav techno... they had bar top gers dancing.... one ger was so skinny...tink her waist was like 20... but she danced not that nice to see... then was another bar top ger... her dancing was veri forceful and nice... but the thing is that she danced a while then stopped..nt consistant... okie.. let's not tok bout that... was eyeing on this particular bartender called "Andy".. he looks quite and he was the one who gave me the tequilla ice... my goodness.. but then the way he danced was cute lor.. he turned around in a circle.. haha... but the thing is see his face long.. not that nice looking liao lor... was eyeing on another guy.. he was a customer lar... so i juz look at him lor.. he looks like some hongkong actor... dam cool lor... his hair.. then he was also wearing red.. haha... when i went to the toilet... becoz david keep playing with me.. wan me go bar top dancing... while waiting... he came out of the cubical... the whole cubical smelt of puke lor... it was too disgusting.. i couldn't bare it and quickly left... den when i came back to my seat... i continued to look at him lor... heheeee

we ordered 3 jugs of beer... actually was 4... then drank some fruit punch from a test tube... then drank tequilla 'pop'..and some tequilla ice arh... the rock wan... my goodness... i vomitted once... it was seriously too much to handle lor... then i danced and danced.. but the kick didn't simmer down.. hai~

had a huge and enormous hangover.. head still hurts while writing this.... heehee...

arh

i'm so excited bout SAT!!!!

terry sad he will be coming to my place on sat... omg... i can;t wait.... faster tml will go pass... then fri.. then it will be sat!!!!! wish me all the best.... i love terry!!!!

i met TERRY!!!!

the start of today was so terribly nice!!! heehee... help terry find a song that he was finding for a long time and burned a chinese cd for him... arh!!! i so happy lor!!! i burnrd the super fast techno for him also... hai~... reallie happy to see that face... it release all my troubles and my fever can say is gone lor... that was my medicine... and it reallie worked... i'm feeling so much happier nw... but in another way i should feel sad.. coz i tink i will not be able to see him... i passed the belated christmas present to him alreadi... and i dun tink he will come over my palce... hai~... but nvm... at least i so called saw him the last time... i'm happy.... wanted to give him a kiss... but he was too far away... when he put on his helmet... he kept on looking at me... and said "bye bye" twice... then when he put his helmet buckel on i was closing the geat then i told him to msg me when he is back.. and he nodded his head and smiled... that smile...it's just everything i wanted lor... wanted to tok to him longer... but then that toopid desmond wanted to go back... toopid idiot!!! hai~... but nvm... i didn't regret even seeing his face.... it's such a relief.... hope he can tink it clearly and come back into my arms... where i can love and care and concern for him like the way i did last time... then i will be the happiest person in the whole world... nothing can stop me smiling .... i love you terry... always in my heart every min every sec... always in my dreams...

lazy daY....

been super lazy and tired today... woke up at 4 plus... quickly bathed and met patrick to go out.. went over to his place... nothing happened.. dun even tink about it.. he cooked maggie mee for me.. looked around his room... my goodness.. he looks reallie dam farking good looking lor.. with his 6 pack.. although he is skinny.. haha.. was fun lar.. he had tis plastic air hammer... and we keep on hitting each other running all around the house... then finally we got tired and fell asleep... slept till 7.45... then we left jis place... coz i had driving lesson at 8.40... dilli dalli a little left the area about 8... went to ubi... juz nice was 8.40... i rushed to look at my car number and today's car number nice.. 88.. heehee..

when got into the car.. my goodness.. the instructor like veri strict like that... then he brought me out to the circuit... then he finally toked to me.. and told me wad was the lesson about today... today my car died a lot of times... then the toopid car keep jerking when the car was at gear 1... heehee.. the instructor started to crack a little joke with me... i was shocked lor.. at the end of the lesson... i stopped in front of another car at the side of the road.. then we exchanged seat... he went to the back to take out the 'L' plate then came back to the drivers seat and when wanting to out the plate on the side poket he dropped both the plate on the floor and it made a reallie loud noise... and another instructor behind was like complaining y he made such a loud noise... and when my instructor tried to put thw plate back in the pocket it dropped the second time... i laughed.. then he started shouting across to the other car and sort of scolded the other instructor in a farnie way... haha... my goodness... like a lunatic... heehee...

then after lesson.. called dixon and asked him to accompany me for dinner... oh yah.. on the bus 51 to hougang plaza.. there was this digusting looking...pimple face... ungly sickening guy... he was sitting right to the front of the bus when i boarded.. then suddenly half way that guy came and sat behind me... i was counting something at that time... then suddenly he lined forward and asked me if we could be frens.. i straight away regected him...my goodness... disgusting freek lor... then i called dixon.. and i quickly said loudly" dear where r u?" i said it quite loudly... i tink he heard.. then he didn't continue to ask.. heehee... sickening lor... hai~..

when i reached home terry called and asked me if i was playing maple... then we went online and played... then when exchanging items.. i chatted with him and showed some concern for him about his work and family.. at least he noes that i still care... then after i got disconnected... then he called... his voice was tired... so i asked him to slp.. he got to wake up at 5.. poor thing... but then i msged him....

me: "oh yah.. juz to tell u that i am still waiting for u... nitez nitez.."
him: "i so good huh? where good?"
me: "i cannot forget u... juz having u beside me is very appleasing alreadi"
him: "hmmm... i ever tink about twice, but i changed my mind. dunoe y? give me time, but not apply... problem a lot nowadays."
me: "i reallie hope one fine day... i could be happy and proud to say that u r my bf"
him: "soorie to let u feel like that. good nite, go slp ba"

but the thing is while saying all this.. i dun haf that much feelings for him.. but i still wan him back... at the same time i am angry with bee coz he nvr call me... until now also ot yt call me lor... angry.... hai...

wad the hell

my last post was not posted... sad... hai~.. also forgot wad i wrote... it's a lazy sat... slept until 4... woke up and ate my breakfast cum lunch.. den continued to paly my MS... watched tv and practicall lazed at home... bored to the farking core.. lucky thing alvin ask me out.. or else i will be stuck at home with me myself and i... y me myself and i... coz everyone;s out.. mum went to play mahjong.. father bro and grandmother went to buy things... so me alone at home.. the feeling id great lor.. can do wad i wan.. heehee.. juz finish fagging.. heehee.. now waiting for alvin's call to go out... arh.... bored.... oh yah... juz noe that terry is no more working at PS... sad... guess i will nt be able to even see him anymore... hai~.. in another way it is good... i can slowly forget his presense... but 2 days ago he suddenly msged a good nite...sweet dreams msg... shocked... but then... hai~... i dun wanna tink so much bout it.. okeieoki.. i am going with my MS and waiting for tonite... dar dar coming over to my place!!! heehee....

wad a tiring day!!!

can't slp

actually it's nt can't slp.. but i juz watched finish 'The Day After Tml'.. and now i noe it's an awesome movie.... touching.. something like 'finding nemo' where it's over fatherly love and love and wad love can do... makes me tink of terry again.. called him the day before... but he didn't pick up my call... msged him yesterday but there was no msg back...

at this moment of time... i am tinking..
.......................
"should i continue to wait for him?"
"should i juz forget him?"
"should i tok things out with him about whether there is chance for us to be back?"
"should i let go?"
"does my heart wan me to let go?"
"wad does my heart wan to do?"
"continue being hurt.. or crazyly thinking about him everyday?"
"can i accept if we cannot continue on?"
"should i cry to slp every time i tink of him?"
......................

time can change things... like in the movie... it changed from a serious bad weather with no hope of surviving... to a glorious weather with survivours.... can me and terry be like that? does he noe how much my heart yearns for his return??? should i tell him??? does he even care if i tell him?? i am single now... i noe that's the fact.. but juz tt... i can't accept anyone else in my life... i find it so difficult to even love or feel for someone else... i accepted one.. that is dar dar... but the thing is i am not the onli one in his life.. and i noe that i cannot be the onli one... some part of me wants to leave him... but the other pushes to stay with him and maybe there will be a chance.. a miracle that will happen somewhere and somehow... i can't accept jackal... i dunnoe y... but the tot of starting a brand new relationship is nt very attractive to me... i can't find a space in my heart to even love anyone else... except for my parents and ping and sarah and padma... my heart is like a choked pipe... stuck full to the brim... wad can unchoke pipe?? wad's the best solution? i dun wanna run away from it.. i wan myself back... the marilyn that can let things go easily and nt tink bout it anymore... i wanna be my old self... but terry juz appears in my mind... no matter where i am or wad i am doing... it's like a drug... tink i muz go for rehabilitation.... maybe something is suppose to happen in order for me to love again... i reallie hope that something or miracle will happen quick....

but in the meantime... my aim is still to get my driving license before the 4th of May!!! although the date is rather tight.. but i will try... even if i cannot be there to celebrate for him... a simple sms to wish him is fine with me... no point getting him things when i have got nothing in return... except a big heart he folded for me and neo prints that we took last time.. memories of him will end... i hope.... actually... ASAP.... i can't stand this tormant anymore... looking at couples go by... lovely telling each other that they love each other... i can too.. but wait till i forget terry lim dao rong... my life will change... it will surely change for the good and the good of all the guys out there....

had a fun day with ping.....

omg.. wad a "lazy sunday' i had!!! was suppose to teach ping how to cycle.. but both of us felt so 'lazy' heehee... so didn't go... instead we met up at about 3.50pm and went to toa payoh to make colour contacts... it was so bloody hot lor.. heehee... but when with ping.. i didn't feel the heat lor.. reallie enjoyed her company... although at first she had a bit PMS... but then after light tokign with her... she was back to herself.. heehee... that's wad frens are for.. heehe... we ordered the contact and then went to buy bubble tea to drink.. while sitting and drinking, she took her own pic lor.. farnie siah.. the pics must wait till she get her data cable then can put it up.. heehee... then we went to find shoe... for myself lar.. for driving... comfortable covered up shoes.. heehee.. first time siah.. OMG... i always wear open shoes lor... heex... then after that we went LGS to eat.. sat beside some sec sch boys.. they were telling lame jokes and we listened and laughed to it lor.. haha especially the 'long and short joke' ping will noe... she laugh until cannot close her mouth lor... heehee... then after that we went to buy dinner for dar dar and left toa payoh... went over to dar dar's place to dl songs... then now i am back.. had a quarrell but hope it will simmer down soon... hai~... maybe lata going out with alvin play pool.. dunnoe.. nt sure yet...

i had a fun time piNg!!!!

OMG... today reallie had such a great and fun time with Ping... hehee... met her at centerpoint becoz she wanted to do her phone.. change the back cover... we were there at 4 and had to wait for 4 hrs before the phone gt serviced finished... 4HRS!!!! my goodness... it was veri long lr!!! but we spend our time reallie well.. we went to cine to rocky something to drink and eat... then after that went to cine... went to 8 degree i tink the bag shop... we both bought sling bag... same colour but different type lar...mine A4 size... hers bigger.. heehee... den after that we walked to heeren and there we saw angeline, debra, and serene i tink... then we walked down to lucky plaza.... we went to every HP shop and asked phone price.. haha.. went looking at 'yan daos'... heehee.. especially the watch shop.... the guy dam nice looking lorx... heehee.. keep staring at him in the shop lorx.. heehee... then we see phone until 7.30 lorx.. then we headed back to centerpoint to collect the phone... there we saw some rich beach hunks... my goodness... it's a super wonderful day lor... heehee... I LOVE YOU PING!!!

BORED...super bored

wad has my life gone into... i feel so miserable.... feel so out of place every single day... nuthing seems to make me look forward to another brand new day... life is so meaningless now.... i can't stop tinking of terry.... i want tohaf a stable bf... someone who i can show love and concern to.... y can't my love life juz go on well... i dun understand.... i am willing to do anything for terry... can't he juz come back in my arms... y muz we be apart... i can't stand tis torment.... it's reallie killing me...

every minute every second i am also tinking of him... i dunnoe whether he puts me in his heart.... is he playing with me??? am i being played??? sometimes i feel that i am a toy... being liked by someone.. then that someone ask me to wait ... wait till he gave me an answer that we should be apart... now i am waiting for him to accept me back... should i wait or should i juz forget bout him... but i can't let myself forget bout him after all the things that i haf done for him.... i want love... i want to be cared and showed concern for *sobx*....

i want my life to go back as wad it use to be... be happy and nt tink... i am drowning in love... i want to take control... i want to noe wad i want... GOD.... guild me the way... i reallie feel super lost.... and lonely... but i noe wei ping...sarah....padma... they are all caring for me... i LOVE THEM TO THE CORE!!!